MY POUNDING HEART

"It was magical!

I could hear it beating, even in the cold. What was it that was stopping me from falling into the depths of death. My heart was still pounding."

It was a mess! A total mess! if anything was too difficult to figure out definitely it would be my life. I was lost completely. After my breakup, I completely lost myself. It was my 2nd breakup this year.How could I be so wrong in making decisions? I had no sense of what I was doing. Mood certainly affects behaviour. I did not talk to my parents properly. I used to get angry at dad for silly reasons. I was becoming an introvert day by day.I did not know what to do.

I started hating all the people around me. I blamed the people who had done this to me. I couldn’t trust anyone because all I was carrying was hatred. I used to speak less , sleep more, eat more junk foods and eventually would fall ill. No one saw what I had gone through , all that people could see is my change in behaviour  .

My tears dried up .They wouldn’t come out anymore because I knew there was no one to comfort me.

Just then when I thought I was isolated there was someone who was hearing my sobbing and mourning. It was my dad. After all, I was his princess.

One fine morning he came to me and asked me to accompany him to the river. I know all I did to him was wrong ,I used to blow up for silly reasons. I thought this would atone for my mistakes.So I got up and went with him.We didn't talk much but just had a few exchange of words.And there after 15 minutes of walk, we were there at the river.I stood there with my arms folded and saw the river flowing.

My dad broke the silence and said to me,”Kacie,I don’t know what's wrong with you but can I ask you one thing?”

Yes dad, I replied

“Do you know what happens when someone breaks our heart?”

Kacie- it hurts a lot dad!

Dad- But the heart pumps the blood that’s it ...There is no emotion related to the heart.We store our emotions in our brain and we use the word”heart” simply as an expression.

Kacie- yeah ,you got a point.

Dad- hey Kacie ,do you see this river? Of course, you do! Do you know what's the difference between a pond and a river?

Kacie- yes dad ,a pond holds water in it but a river has flowing water.

Dad- you are right because the pond holds the same water for a long time and it becomes dirty because algae covers the surface of the water.And very soon the pond becomes too dirty for you to see your reflection.But because the river flows it never stops no matter what people throw at it.It goe

s on flowing and at some point, it deposits all its waste on the sides of the river and that’s why you can see your reflection because it flows.

my dear,imagine that if your heart stops beating ,it won't send blood to the brain,hands and other organs of the body.the blood won't circulate and eventually your organs will stop working.your mind will get dirty as the things which people throw in it will stay and then you will not be able to identify yourself .All I want to say is let go.Keep your heart pounding by the thrills of life.Give your life to GOD .Let it beat for him.He won't disappoint you.And as you will let your heart flow like a river you will see yourself again in Christ.Whatever people say accept it and keep going ,Someday it will get out of the river by itself.

Keep your heart pounding.

 Suddenly everything became magical!

I could hear my heart beating even in the cold of adversaries where my heart should have stopped beating. What was it that was stopping me from falling into the depths of death. My heart was still pounding.

And after that conversation, my life changed.I had to let go of my past and find my identity in Christ. I had to forgive people because the more you store the more filthy it becomes.